I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
