I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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