hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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