I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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