I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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