that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
