Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
