I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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