Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
