idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
