Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
