I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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