i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize