fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
