Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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