I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
