he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
