Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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