a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
