But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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