her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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