I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
