my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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