Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
