just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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