seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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