Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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