I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
