Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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