I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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