I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
