You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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