sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
