I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
