so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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