even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
