a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
