We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
