And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
