How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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