I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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