i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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