yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
