This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
