We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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