dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pooping to opera.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
