Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
