Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
