you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
