She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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