Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
