is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
