***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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