she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
