dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
