My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
