Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
