Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
