You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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