I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well most of my day revolves around power hour
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
