dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Will exercising make me less horny?
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