Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
