conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
