I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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