I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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