fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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