Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
