dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
is that a dick in a sweater?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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