No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
