If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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