Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
