i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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